On my lunch break I like to go home, since I live between my mail route and the mail depot. Today, as I was unlocking my front door, two very drunk or drugged women in front of my house caught sight of me.
“Excuse me sir,” one of them said.
I turned around and when I did the other woman, the one who was by far the scarier and dru(g)nker of the two said, “Oh a mailman. I love a fucking mailman.”
Then they both started talking at once, one asking for directions, the other talking about things she’d like to do to me.
“…ooh, he’s a handsome one. I’d be… I’d take you home. You better watch out. You better get inside quick.”
The less drunk lady was looking for 108 ave. I said, “I think it’s that way.”
“I’d carry you,” I think that’s what the messy one said.
Just to clarify I asked, “You’d carry me?”
“Oh, yeah! Sure.”
“Okay. Thank you.” And then I got inside my front door.
Later I saw them outside a house in the opposite direction of where I told them to go. They were definitely looking for crack at a crack dealer’s. I know this because a woman once screamed in front of that very house, “This guy sells crack! He’s a fuckin crack dealer!”