We were three beers and half a joint in when my cousin asked, “Do you ever wonder what people say about you behind your back that you just have no idea about?”

“Oh yeah, big time.” I said, thinking I understood. “You mean like…”

“I mean, like, you probably have a good idea about the shit people say about you, the shit you’re already aware of, but what about the stuff you have no idea about?”

“Fuck… Yeah. I guess I don’t ever think about that. Do you think there’d be a lot? Maybe small things, right? I mean, you probably know yourself well enough to pinpoint the really embedded shit, the deep flaws. But you mean like maybe your breath stinking when you’re not aware that it actually smells like a fart?”

“Mmmm…. yeah. I guess…”

I truly haven’t thought about it but now I can’t stop thinking about it. The things I’m sure people say about me include selfishness, or maybe being cheap. Seemingly detached. Self-obsessed. I bet there are a handful of people (probably more) who would call me an asshole. But what are the things people say about me, that I’m unaware of? I’ve got this feeling, lately, that I tend to interrupt people a lot. Oh yeah, I can’t forget the thing where I always argue against the other person’s point. I’m dismissive. Physically… I’ve got a belly. I cum too quickly. I’ve got very hairy arms. Anyway… feel free to leave in the comments in the section below.

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  1. You are lovely, Matt. I don’t think any of those mean things you said about yourself. Things I say about you behind your back: honest, funny, artistic, creative, quirky, cool, interesting.

    You only hurt my feelings twice in 15 years. You’re a good friend.


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