Dog Walking Guy

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Dogs do hate mailmen. It’s a cliched thing for a reason. They bark and bark and chase and bite. It’s enough to make a dog loving guy a dog fearing guy.

For some reason, a lot of people think it’s a good idea to walk their dogs without using a leash. When I see this I get very nervous and hope the person has enough sense to hang on to their dog’s collar or pick them up or do something. Anything would be great. Today there is a dog that is being especially vocal about his hate for me. He’s off leash. He’s pretty small so I’m a little bit afraid and not tremendously afraid. His owner stops and watches me do my route with his dog barking at his side.

“BARK! BARF! BARNK! BARG! BARG! BARNT!”

I can’t hear the podcast I’m listening to. I pause it for the moment.

“BARNK! BARF! BARF! ARK! ARF! BARNK!”

The dog’s owner tries to explain, “He’s not a bad guy. He’s just delivering mail.”

“BAR! BAR! BARF! ARK! ARK! BARK!”

“Don’t be scared. He’s the mailman. Watch him. He’s just delivering the mail.”

The dog is just barking over top of his lesson. “BARNK! BARNK! BAR! BARNF! BAK! BARK!” He’s not listening to you and even if he was, he wouldn’t understand all those English words because he’s a piece of shit DOG.

“BARK! BARK! BARNK! ARFF! ARF! BARK!”

“There he goes. There goes the mailman,” he said as I walked further and further away. I can nearly appreciate what the guy was doing. He was trying to make his dog feel comfortable around me, get used to the idea that mail people are real people with real feelings. But it just doesn’t work you idiots. Dogs are not that selfless. So don’t do that. It’s really annoying and unnerving. Just keep walking, put a leash on that thing and close up your fucking dumb lips.

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