I had my 8 year old niece and 6 year old nephew over to play video games. We pretty much played one of the newest Super Mario Bros. games for 4 hours. Finn was Luigi. I was Mario. Olive laid on the couch, under a blanket, watched and asked questions.

“So… is that Bowser?”

“No. You don’t fight Bowser till the very, very end.”

“Is he big?”

“Bowser? He’s big. Yeah. He’s like 4 times the size of Mario.”

“So, then who’s this guy? Is this Bowser’s son?”

“No. He’s not his son. Bowser has a son, though. Baby Bowser. Or maybe he’s called Bowser Jr.”

“A baby Bowser? How old is he?”

“I don’t know. Like 6 maybe? I don’t know. Five?”

“Oh. So then who is this guy.”

“This is just, like a henchman. He’s like one of Bowser’s minions. Iggy Koopa, or something like that.” I thought she’d ask what a minion was, but I guess she knew because of that movie with all the minions in it.

“And… so is… is Mario your favorite video game?”

“I’d say so. Yeah. I mean, I’ve been playing Mario games for like 30 years.”

“30? How old are you?”

“Well… I guess I haven’t been playing for 30 years. But close. I mean, since I was 6. So like twenty… wait. Twenty-six years.”

“Really? And is Bowser the only bad guy in every Mario game?”

“Almost. There’s been a couple other baddies. Wart.”


“Yeah. He was like a giant toad. And then there’s Wario.”



“And why did he kidnap the Princess? What are they doing with her?”

“I don’t know. I guess just holding her captive.”


“I don’t know. I guess because she rules the land, so if she’s out of the way then Bowser can rule it.”


Thank fucking Christ someone is finally asking me questions I have answers for. I was starting to feel pretty dumb.

One Comment

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  1. I love this one. I laughed out loud for realz.


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