Candice asked what it meant to be a third cousin twice removed. None of us could answer. Nick asked what it meant to be kissing cousins.

“Cousins who kiss.” I answered.

“Well. I don’t know if I ever had a kissing cousin, but I definitely had a cousin I’d show my genitals to.”


“I mean, we were really young. Kind of a, I’ll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours deal.”

“What?!” It seemed surprising. “I don’t remember ever doing that with any of my cousins. Or anyone for that matter. Maybe I did… I can’t remember.”

Candice and Cole (this was a business meeting BTW) sided with Nick, saying they had similar experiences.

“It was pretty thrilling.” Nick said. Then he said a bunch of other things that sounded really regrettable. Things that went beyond what seemed like a fairly normal thing to do as a kid.

“Oh Nick! Man. I wish that I had a tape recorder.” I knew I’d forget all the things he said because I was fairly drunk and pretty stoned at this point (business meeting.) “‘Cause…” I stopped myself.

“What?” Nick prodded.

“‘Cause this is one for the blog.”

I’ve said that sentence before and it always makes me feel really sad about my life.

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