No Teeth Guy


I’m picking out some apples at Save-On-Foods. The man next to me, scouring the pears says, “I nee da borrow fum teef. Too hard.” He picks up several pears, squeezing them and opens his mouth to show his toothless gob. I’m 60% sure he’s trying to make me laugh, so I laugh.

“Dese too.” He points at the Granny Smith apples.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”

“Gimme some teef! Dose doo.” He points at the apples I’m handling. “Ebryding doo ard.”

I laugh again, this time much more uncomfortably.

“You’ll have to set them in the sun for a couple weeks.” I say.

A lady walks by and gives the two of us a good hard look.

He says a bunch of more things that are hard to understand. I’m not sure what he wants me to do. He’s kind of telling the same joke over and over. Yeah. This guy sucks. I’m not sticking around for this.

I walk away from the situation with the sweet sentiment, “Good luck with everything.”

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