My tonsils turn into huge puffy marshmallows every 4 or 5 months but this time I think they’re the worst they’ve ever been. Really sore, really big puffers, almost blocking off my breathing passage.
When the Medi-Clinic doctor comes in he tells me to sit on the doctor sofa.
“So, your tonsils?”
“Uh-huh. They’re pretty swollen.”
He motions for me to open my mouth by pointing at his own and demonstrating. I follow suit and he shines a light in there.
“Whoa. Very inflamed.”
He peeks in my ears and I’m scared he’s going to steal all the carrots I’ve been stashing away in there.
“Are you allergic to penicillin?”
“No. Not that I’m aware of.”
It’s quiet while he types something on the computer.
“Yeah. I don’t get why.” I say. “This happens every 4 or 5 months.”
“So… twice a year.” He’s unimpressed.
“Yeah. Two or three times a year.” I correct his math.
And that’s all we have to say to one another. Until he passes me his prescription. “Twice a day for ten days.”
The pharmacy is packed. I guess Mondays are busy because everyone waited through their sick weekend for things to open up again. I wait for my prescription for about 30 minutes.
But then, “Matthew?”
I approach the Pharmacist. He talks quietly to me. “So you’re going to take two of these a day for the next ten days. It’ll start to clear up after a couple days but it’s very important that you keep taking them until they’re gone.”
“If you get…” he starts to whisper, “bad diarrhea from your butt, stop taking them.”
I frown in disbelief. He actually said that. He raises his voice from whisper to a gentle confidence, “Or if your skin gets puffy and irritated.” He runs the back of his hand against his cheek. “The possibility you’re allergic is rare, but it could happen.”
I literally just took off my sweater a minute before writing this, feeling very warm and uncomfortable. I then went to the washroom and put cream on my face and then remembered what I was just writing about. I hope this doesn’t mean bad diarrhea will come out of my butt any time soon.
UPDATE: No bad or any other type of diarrhea has come out of my butt yet.