I figured it was time to come clean. “Hey Josh. I have to tell you that I’ve gone on a couple dates with Jordan…” Underplaying it a bit. Especially considering Jordan and I just had sex on our last date. I think it’s been around 8 dates by this point, and in an hour I’d be leaving the house to see her for a 9th. “We’re both on Tinder and we started chatting through that thing. Anyway. I hope this is ok with you and I hope it doesn’t make you want to disown me or punch me in the teeth.”
Nothing. Not a word. The suspense!
“Please kill me.” I offered.
Twenty minutes later he got to it. “Really?! Couldn’t be happier. Honestly. She’s awesome, you’re awesome. Mazel tov! I’m at the Empress and Sam’s coming by. You should come.”
“Oh God. Thank you. I was feeling very nervous about this. She seems awesome. I’m just getting home from work, plus kinda sick with tonsillitis. So prolly won’t come out.” Just throw a few lies at him after he handled my shitty revelation so gracefully.
While on my date with Jordan, a mutual friend of Josh and I, Jenna, whom I confided in about the topic at hand many weeks before, texted me.
“Matt! You’re such a pussy for waiting until now to tell Josh you’re dating Jordan!”
Fuck. She must be at the bar with him. Now she’s going to tell him it’s been going on for the last two months. And anyway… Pussy?! The gall!
In a rage I angrily punched out, “I didn’t think I had to until now. Anyway, it’s none of your business. MOSEY!!!” That was a typo. I meant to say nosey.
“Nosey?! Josh is sitting beside me. What am I supposed to do? Close my ears?”
“First of all I said MOSEY. Second of all, you can open your ears all you want, just shut your yap.”
“I hate you. And I am not Mosey. What does that even mean?
“It means NOSEY you dolt.”
It took me a few minutes to cool down and then I felt bad so I sent her a shamrock emoji and said, “Happy St. Patricks’ day.” And then a kiss emoji.